The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Thursday, February 7, 2002

Thanks Mary Beth Jahn for the transcript!

JL: Alright, my next guest, big-time rock star and also been in terrific movies like U-571, currently catch him Monday nights on Ally McBeal, please welcome Jon Bon Jovi! 
<crowd cheers, Jon walks onto the stage, raises his arms to the crowd, Jay Leno walks over and they shake hands> 
JB: (says into Jayís ear as theyíre shaking hands) You were fearless! 
<Jay goes back behind his desk, Jon walks to the first chair next to the desk and brushes it off> 
JL: Hey, you want... (offers Jon a blue paper that apparently has some kind of animal sprinklings or something on it) 
JB: (wrinkles nose and waves Jay off) No! (laughs) 
JL: How you been, buddy? 
JB: Good! Youíre psycho... rubbing heads with that cat (referring to the lynx the exotic animal trainer had on in the segment before Jon)! (fingers the lapel of his leather jacket) This is one of your last guests! 
JL: Really? There you go! 
JB: Iím from Jersey, Iím not afraid of any snake. <Jay laughs> You know, that was wacked, man! 
JL: You should have come out here when the animals were here! 
JB: I took care of them afterwards! <crowd laughs> Thatís the poop! 
JL: Got bit in the finger... 
JB: I saw that! Bush babies bite, Iím telling you, those bupkins (???) are bad, you got to be careful! 
JL: Bush babies bite, always remember that. How you been, everything good? 
JB: Iím good, Iím really good! 
JL: Still riding, still doing the bike thing? 
JB: Well, I gotta say, Iím gonna get outed here on national television, cause my bike is in semi-retirement. 
JL: Oh come on, what are you, an old married man, come on! 
JB: Any married man... 
JL: What, you got a station wagon, a minivan? 
JB: No, my bike, I loaned it to Harley, which I know youíre a big Harley aficionado, but itís going on tour with Elvisí bike <crowd cheers>. Itís in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a year, so I put it in the Hall and Harleyís taking it out for their hundredth anniversary. So Iím doing without, you know. 
JL: So you walk? 
JB: No, I just walk around the house going vroom, vroom, vroom! <makes motorcycle-revving motions with his hands and laughs> 
JL: Now, did you ever get tickets, were you like a crazy man on a bike or what? 
JB: Not so much that I was getting tickets, you get stopped a lot and you take off the helmet and they go ďoh, that rock star guy.Ē I could get away with murder pretty much in Jersey. 
JL: Yeah? Hey, you could do it in LA! 
JB: Well, LA, I donít know, thereís a lot more celebrities there. 
JL: Did you ride as a kid? 
JB: Yeah, Iíve been riding since I was a little kid, I mean, I got my first bike when I was 13, I had to earn it, up at my grandfatherís house, riding it around the house and learned to ride then, and we used to live in Sayreville, New Jersey, it was...<crowd cheers> 
JB:...oh yeah, all of you all are from Sayreville, right? <crowd laughs> But it was a great place to grow up. It was clay pits, so we learned motocross back there, in the dirt. Now itís, of course, you know neighborhoods. 
JL: Right. Did you ever take any trips, like, cross-country? 
JB: Couple times, those are my Kerouac years. You know, those are the best experience Ė anyone who ever rode a bike, get on it and go cross-country, go find, in search of Route 66. It was life, you know. But whoeverís leading the pack decides where you pull in, my friend Obie, who youíve met here before, weíre riding in and he sees the Flintstones Museum, and he goes, ďweíre going there!Ē So, you know, Iíve got pictures of me like in Barney Rubbleís car going (holds right hand up and waves and gives a thumb-up sign). <crowd laughs> Cool! 
JL: Where is that, Arizona? Because thatís the site of the actual Flintstones excavations, you know, over 5,000 years ago. 
JB: Yeah, itís hard now to get the cast out there, you know, they donít want to work there anymore. <laughs> But, um, going cross country, you find all things that I donít get to see. You know, weíre flying to big cities, playing arenas, stadiums, whatever, but you donít get out to the Flintstones Museum. 
JL: Yeah, how often though, you know, the caverns, the big guy with the big bowling ball, I mean, all that. 
JB: Right, right, right, right, right. Iíve been there, Iíve been there, see, youíve been there, too. 
JL: So now youíre doing the acting thing, now. Is it more fun than rock and roll? It doesnít seem like it would be. 
JB: Well, first of all, itís like this game of golf, which I also am not really fond of. You go there, and people play golf when itís still dark out. Why do they do that? You know, like they show up and they want to be there at dawn to hit the ball off the tee and chase it. I donít need any more stress in my life! Same thing with acting Ė they wake me up at 5 oíclock in the morning! If this was the band, weíd be going to bed, now I got to get up at 5! 
JL: Right, right, yeah, yeah! 
JB: You show up, you shoot a scene, before Iím, the first scene is already done already and then the sun comes up, Iím like what the hell, itís like a bunch of vampires, you know? <crowd laughs> And Calista, like, I think she lives there, I think itís just the Truman Show for her because she just goes to work every day all day, twelve hours a day and she keeps saying ďbyeĒ and ďhiĒ and sheís always there! I show up, I get to leave, and this poor kid... 
JL: But itís a lot of work, itís not like, with music you play for a couple hours and then, whee! trash the hotel. <crowd laughs> 
JL: You canítrash your trailer, you have to come back to it tomorrow. 
JB: Thatís true, you know, itís a lot of work. They work very, very hard there on this TV stuff. But, Iíve been pretty fearless, you know, you go from music to movies, movies to television, I mean, I had no desire to do TV whatsoever Ė when David Kelley gives you a call, itís like the Godfather calling, you know, so you jump at the chance... 
JL: Right. 
JB:... I walk into the set the first day after being asked to do this role for a while, and Iím thinking, you know, this is all right, David Kelleyís a pretty hot, cool guy, heís got three TV shows, I hear heís married to Michelle Pfeiffer, Iím expecting Iím going to walk on the set, thereís David Kelley, big hug, kiss, you know, come on over, meet my wife, kind of thing, Iím like all excited, I want to talk about Grease 2. No. I get on the set, you hear this voice from above, this <pulls his fist to his mouth to simulate a loudspeaker> ďThis is David Kelley, I created you.Ē And you go, yeah, youíre God. And so you start doing your schtick, but these people are wacky. All these people have been together for five years, theyíre eight episodes in before I even show up, it was a little intimidating. 
JL: Youíre the new guy. 
JB: Yeah, you know, that dancing baby thing, itís real, heís got his own dressing room, heís a midget! <crowd laughs> 
JL: Now the character you play, you play what, is it a contractor? 
JB: Yeah, but, you know what Iím turning into? You know that, you remember that character Schneider, with Bonnie... 
JL: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 
JB:... Iím just always there but I donít do anything, you know! They handed me a wrench, I didnít know if it was a wrench or a plier, Iím under the sink fixing the sink, the other day I said thereís no chance in hell Iíd be ever fixing the sink! 
JL: Now, are you a mechanical guy at all? 
JB: No... if the light bulbís... 
JL: Youíre from Jersey, youíre a Jersey guy, come on, Jersey guys can fix stuff! 
JB: Iím a rock and roll star, you know! <Jon laughs> If the lightbulb goes dead, I throw out the light! You know! 
JL: Really? 
JB: Completely useless! I have more people that work at my house than AT&T. 
JL: Really? 
JB: Oh, people here all the time! 
JL: Now, I would have guessed Jersey guy, roll up the sleeves, yo, put some new 
JB: I play a great one on TV, but... 
JL: Yeah, but no, donít fix anything at all? 
JB: No! I wouldnít know how to work, you know, anything. I could make coffee in the morning and... 
JL: Was your dad handy? 
JB: No. <crowd laughs> 
JL: No? So, this is, so the whole family is just pretty much useless, I guess. 
JB: Pretty much. 
JL: Yeah, yeah, thank God you can sing. 
JB: I was telling, hereís a good story. I was going out, I went last weekend to, you know the Cub Scouts? The Cub Scout... do you have any sons? You have any sons? 
JL: No, I donít have any sons, but I know the Cub Scouts. 
JB: They have a Pinewood Derby. Itís a six-inch block of wood. 
JL: Sure, I know that. 
JB: A big deal. 
JL: I was a Cub Scout. 
JB: So was I. Thirty-five years ago, thirty-four years ago, I was a Cub Scout, and they give a block of wood and they say ďmake a car out of this piece of wood.Ē Well, I am haunting my father to this day because he didnít help me make this car, so now itís my sonís turn. Well, Iíll be damned if Iím not going to go and you know, fly my plane all the way back to Jersey, make this car, Iím there, you know, Iím hanging with my son, we built the coolest car ever. But I actually helped. My son did more than I did and heís six, but, you know... <crowd laughs> ... we had a hell of a time and I got to say I did something handy and weíre taking a picture together and you know, heís got his arm around his dad, and Iíve got my two hands up showing my wife I didnít cut myself, look, you know, itís like I still got all my fingers. So thatís about as handy as Iím able to get. 
JL: Do you still have your car? 
JB: Oh, yeah, because of you I bought a Viper. 
JL: No, no, but I mean, your small one, the one that you made? 
JB: Mine? No, no, no, no, mineís still, I showed up at the race, the paint was wet, my hands were blue, Iím giving my father hell over this Christmas about it. 
JL: See, my brother was a carpenter, he could make his car look like a real car that was actually, you know, if you put it on a table, youíd think, oh, that was a real car. Mine, three of the wheels were on the same side, you know, you know what Iím saying, itís not good, I wasnít very handy. 
JB: That was as handy as Iíve ever been. 
JL: So you bought the Viper? I told you youíd like it. 
JB: I did, I love that car, lookit, we sound like a commercial Ė can we get free Vipers, anyone? <Jon, Jay, crowd laughs> 
JL: But you gotta get tickets in that. Have you been stopped out here with that one? 
JB: No, but I do like driving around LA with like the plates from home and driving into the lot and all, I really dig that car. Itís got a great stereo, itís all about the stereo, air conditioning and heating and it hasnít broken down out here. 
JL: A rock star with out-of-state plates! You wonít get in trouble! 
JB: No, no! <laughs> 
JL: Well, thanks, you did some great stuff there with 9/11, I know you didnít want to admit it, but it was great because I know where you live in Jersey, there were an awful lot of people there that were affected, firemen and all. 
JB: I was there, I was home that morning, Richie and I were about to start writing and he was sleeping and you really didnít know how to react when youíre caught up in it and 163 families in my county were affected, you know kids in my kidsí school and firemen that worked in the city, you know that go to school with my kids, um, and as the smoke was wafting over my home and the other two planes were in the air, I mean, you really, it went through your mind, do you run to the school, is this Armageddon, you start thinking the worst... 
JL: Yeah. 
JB: But fortunately, you know, it wasnít, as tragic as it was. I delayed the start of Ally by a month and David Kelley, of course, understood, because I said I have to stay home to do whatever, whatever I could, so we did the telethon, which happened to be next door to a place where I was a gofer in a recording studio 20 years ago. You dreamt about writing the songs and 20 years later, youíre performing those songs for such an important night, you know, and you walked out and saw that same playground, it really had a different meaning, you know. But God bless all those firemen and policemen and the folks who lost...
JL: Yup. Well, you too, good work, youíre a good man. Thank you, Jon! Itís good knowing you, a pleasure to have you! <crowd cheers> Be right back with Pete Yorn after this!